Just cropdusted the office
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
send nudes
from the living room?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
