he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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