every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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