i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
