I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
