I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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