what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize