I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
