You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
