Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
