i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
