Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
