Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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