So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she pinky promised me she was 18
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
