Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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