is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
