all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
