Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
