Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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