I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
