Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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