I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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