who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize