i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
