This is not my ceiling
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
