Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had sex on a roof
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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