Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize