The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
