Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
