So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize