i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude i'm inner monologue high
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
