From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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