Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
