I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
