Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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