im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
