During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
