Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
