you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
