Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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