okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
