Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
