I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
