so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
