I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
