dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
