Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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