Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just high enough for therapy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
