I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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