Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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