i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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