do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Boobs speak an international language.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
