I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it because I queefed?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
