she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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