I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
