You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
