I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
whose parrot is this?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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