Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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