So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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