There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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