with your own penis?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
