Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
