my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
