dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
be right there i have to get my cape
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
