just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's the barista slut.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
